Wednesday, June 30, 2021

李娟的诗

我知道有一个地方 

有一条河 

最终流向北方 

我知道北方 

还知道北方全部的夏天 

那么短暂 


我知道有一座桥断了 

对岸荒草齐腰 

白色蝴蝶云雾般成群飞翔 

但是 

我知道唯一的浅水段藏在哪里 

我还知道涉水而过时 

等在河中央的黑色大鱼 


我知道有一条路 

在尽头分岔 

我知道岔路口有几枚脚印 

在左边犹豫了三次 

在右边也犹豫了三次 


我知道有一棵树 

上面刻了一句话 

我担心树越长越高 

携着那句话越离越远 

等有人来时 

他踮起脚尖也看不清楚了 


我只有一片小小的草地 

一块小小的阴影 

掩藏着世上最羞怯的一朵花儿 

那花儿不美丽 

不怕孤独 

不愿抬起头来 


我知道一只蓝色的虫子 

来时它在那里 

走时它还在那里 

春天它在那里 

秋天它还在那里 

我知道天空 

天空是高处的深渊 

我多么想一下子掉进去啊 


我知道远方 

远方是前方的深渊 

掉进去的只有鸟儿和风 

我知道鸟儿终身被绑缚在翅膀上 

而风是巨大的 

透明的倾斜 


我知道黑夜 

这世间所有的道路都通向它 

在路上行走的人 

总是走着走着 

天就黑了 

但黑夜却并非路的深渊 

它是睡眠的深渊 

睡着了的身体 

离世界最远 


我知道 

睡眠是身体的深渊 

而一个人的身体 

是另一个人的深渊吧 

还有安静 

安静是你我之间的深渊 

还有你的名字 

你的名字 

是我唇齿间的深渊 

还有等待 

等待是爱情的深渊 

我独自前来 

越陷越深 

想起有一天 

名叫“总有一天” 

它一定是时间的深渊 

但是还有一天 

是“总有一天”的第二天 

我甚至知道“结束”和“永不结束” 

之间的细微差异 

知道“愿意”和“不愿意”的细微差异 


唯有此地 

却一无所有 

每一片叶子 

每一粒种子 

云朵投下的每一块阴影 

雨水注满的每一块洼地 

好像每一次前来 

都是第一次前来 

每一次离去 

都是最后一次离去

 

作者 / 李娟

选自 《火车快开》,上海文艺出版社,2017

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

purchases

 Prime Day came and gone. Now piles of amazon boxes again, ugh!


Purchased the AirPods Max! And it's the light green one. I decided the color, the color of summer. It reminds me the time of my start-up days in some way.

Ok. That's that.



Saturday, June 19, 2021

this airbnb house

 If airbnb at Tahoe in summer, I believe renting in Keys is the only sensible choice. Having a dock and being able to do water sports every day is a must to fully enjoy Tahoe summer.


This house is interesting though. Interesting books it had:

the colors of life of Royo

Kilimanjaro: to the roof of africa

-- audrey salkeld

Everest, the west ridge -- book by Tom Hornbein


Tahoe Keys, Tahoe in summer

 Last summer camp Richardson left me great impression of lake Tahoe. And at the time we promised to come back to visit Lake Tahoe in each summer.

This weekend Tahoe trip was to join sister-in-law's family's week long stay, and two nights. The rental house is in Tahoe keys (which I think it is an only sensible choice to airbnb). The two paddle boards and a mixed boat have their chance to be left on water over the dock. Xiaonan doesn't need to inflate and un-inflate them one by one. I felt like enjoying the board fully for the first time. 

I loved the blue jays who nesting on the tall pine tree in the back yard. Their triangle shaped hat gave them certain dignity even when they came down to pick up the bread crambles I left on the rail of patio. Kids said I should not do that, hmm! why not.. When they flew, I loved the flash of subtle grey and blue hue from the opening of their wings. I kept looking for their flying up and downs.

On the board, the water close to dock is not that clean, and there are huge gianatic kelps like plants under water. It looked like a forest under water. And we are floating over it. The dragonflies flew by in the morning. Those blue dragonflies are a little deeper than torquoite, they are small. And some of them are knotted together flying over the water, one pair stayed on my board for a while. I cannot see them clearly, but just so happy to see dragonflies. These little insects bring me joy, if they are household items, I shall not get rid of.

The afternoon birds and dragonflies seem to disappear. We did longer run with kayak first. My pants got all wet with kayak, I prefer now paddle board only. For the second longer run, I got V's fat paddle board. It's very hard to turn, and requires some arm muscle to manuver. I prefer my own board. hmm. I loved the quiet long alone paddle time. The close to sunset time. The sunlights became shining pieces over the water. V was sharing the board with her cousin. Kids were very happy on the water, but they didn't paddle hard, I had to come back to check up them. I didn't take pictures. In my mind I am taking the pictures. The smiles on kids faces, the red sign on the water field, the 5-mile speed pole on the tuning point. And when I paddled along back, the fat gooses, some of them dived their upper body into water and only the fat bottom is above water. And the coo coo sound made by the gooses. Maybe I should have take some pictures, I shall never trust my memory.

I do love paddle boarding, paddling while standing is effective, and fun. 

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

revisiting

 The good side of having a bad memory is that everything I read before re-read so anew, like I haven't read them before at all.


I'm listening to "West by the Night" with V, the beautiful Africa landscape seen from sky by the pilot, the lion attacking stories, the horses... It's truly felt like the first time to get to know the stories. I am in love with the beautiful writing again. And I am glad V likes it too. I hope I am passing my likings to her.


On my side, I am listening to 'Out of Africa' meanwhile. The antelope story I still has a faint impression. I read the book after the movie, but the book is totally different from the love story in the movie. At that time I liked both. Now, at this age, I am pondering constantly how wise how open the writer is when she wrote the book. Her observation and conviction at that era still resonates, and being interesting, curious, doesn't get old.


And,  in HBO, I stepped upon "Jane Eyre" mini series by Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens.  I watched it before of course. The story I read many many times during my youth. Hmm, "Howl's moving castle" actually uses the same story formula as "Jane Eyre". The perfect girl saves the falling master... But formula always works when it's done well.


And, it is summer. I am walking to cafe (crosses a highway) every day. The sky is blue, clouds are high. And I shall remember that day on Apple Park, I didn't know at that time it was parting time. 

Saturday, June 12, 2021

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

大观园!

 重回办公室第二天,大观园里吃饭,散步。园子里grasses are long, fruits trees are heavy with green fruits, the wild flowers sampled or curated from all over the state are blooming. I were busy checking them out and enjoying the breezes. Unfortunately it is still required to wear masks inside the park, thus I can smells the flowers. It was a nice work lunch with Xiang. And we also met two old PA co-workers. It was such a long time ago, and meeting again in the park on the second day I was back to office. The sun was high up in the sky. The temperature was not high due to the chill winds. It felt like a totally different work day. I liked it. I hoped to start the walking an hour in park thing as one of norms or perks as being part of going back to office.


The horse camp ten days. Each day I do need spent 80 minutes on roads. So Vivy's summer camps are changing my schedules too. I felt like in summer already.

Monday, June 7, 2021

west by the night

 started 'west with the night' in audible


I read the book a lifetime ago, everything is new. I felt like I listening to the story of female version of Denys (in out of Africa). 

I may introduce one of my favorite books to my daughter now.

tiny updates -- going back to office

 My first day to get back to office. I have grabbed a display from co-worker who just retired. And I have re-formatted my 2015 iMac pro with broken screen and sent it back to lab manager. Now I am settled with my working horse to continue to be the macBook Pro as it is and has been for last one and half years. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the window office, the sun lights there, and the tiny space I have outside home.

Yes, I am happy to go back to office.

And of course I forgot bring AirPod pro (no webex then), as well as power adapter. The macBook Pro is at 30% at noon... :(


In any case I had a mammogram appointment and had to sit in the radio imaging clinic waiting area for 20 minutes. It's all old time back. check. :)


Still, very happy to be back in office and will continue to go back. For the quietness as well as the good noodles. :)

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

Hope Valley cafe purchase

 The Orvis 

vest pocket guide to mayflies

by

DICK POBST

Alaska trip planning

 and broken things: airPod pro is officially gone, the right ear now keeps sending beeping sound... Interesting.


Alaska trip planning and other trip planning now are officially getting weary. I have aimed for a quiet and soul searching trip, as the words like Alaska Denali says/means to me. But, "now it is going to be 20+ people party trip"(from Andy) ... 

I have been thinking about our old good trips we had before, the perfect coverage, perfect experience was never the initial goal. I don't have time to plan any trip, I followed Andy's leads and book everything suggested, and the trip doesn't have to be perfect. And we were very happy every time, even though not all spots are high-lights, there were always hit and misses. I believe we enjoyed the company of each other with the right size of people. 


And now, with all the complication and complexity of planning trip or try to plan a trip with so many people, this is becoming a bit too much... The social axis of things are eating my energy which is not my forte.


Vacation is a vacation, not work is good enough for a vacation, for me. And I want to stay stupid and just be around friends I am most comfortable with.



Hope valley dreaming

 I dreamed Cartman for the first time at hope valley. He was becoming smaller and I have forgot about him, the horror of the later is heart breaking. I don’t know why I haven’t dreamed about him before. Was Leo reminding me that I used to have a dog too

Hope Valley birch

 Birch woods are very pretty, but the trees are in flowering season. I saw the snowing effect from the sky and it was all due to birch trees!



Hope Valley camping

 5/28-5/31 three nights RV camping with another nine families! 

Lots of families, kids.


It was the second day, dinner time. And I had a fall from bike there, and ended up with open wounds on both hands, legs. I haven't had such big fall for long long time. And it was stupid. I didn't know why I had the urge to do a bike run at that time, others were having a party and I just wanted to check out the camp site with bike. And in 30 seconds, I was on the ground face down. It could be I was a little stressed out by the community dinner we suppose to host and things were not going as what I imagined. The tears were coming out almost. The shame that I would still make such mistake at this age, as well as the hurts from the open wounds were real.



The falling leave lake, the puddle board was fun. The view was great but the drive to the parking lot needs some effort.